This past week, my personal emotions have felt like an ECG graph reading.
Up and Down
Off the chart at both ends
I'm asking the Lord, what's next? If you asked me how I was doing, I would have to sum it up like this.
Disappointment,
Happiness,
Shock,
Scared,
Challenging,
Joyful,
Worried,
Grateful,
and Blessed.
On Sunday night, we received a discouraging email from a mega church declining our support partnership. Ugh. My heart sank. Why? We had filled out the application form and we felt very encouraged. It took a while for that disappointment to settle into reality.
Then on Monday, our emotions did an upswing. We saw pictures of baby Callie (insert blog here about Callie) born to my niece. That put everything into perspectives. My parents had become Great Grand Parents again for the 7th time. What an accomplishment. Our emotions were leveling out. I felt like God was in control again and near to us.
Tuesday, I read on-line that the Mission Pastor from a former supporting church, who had mysteriously disappear several weeks early, had died of self-inflicted wounds. My heart sank to the lowest level. How could this happen? We cried. We prayed. At times likes these, I really start thinking about life. The meaning of life. Our witness and testimony to those around us. I start thinking about depression and how it can take a stronghold on any life. So my ECG graph hit rock bottom here.
Later that evening, Glenn and I were on the other-side-town, when there were 4 simultaneous shootings at 4 different locations, targeting the red city bus drivers. Traffic came to a halt. People were angry and took things into their own hands with protests about the lack of protection and the need for more security into these poverty-stricken neighborhoods. I became thankful that I was not harmed.
Wednesday we spent a good chunk of the day ministering to a missionary couple who are dealing with challenges about interpersonal relationships with some of their co-workers. We talked about solutions, Satan's attack on our ministry and how we need to focus on Him. This made me start thinking how we can become distracted. My focus needs to remained on God who is in control. My ECG chart was recovering.
My ECG chart had a high peak on Thursday, when I opened up monthly giving records and noticed a special, one-time gift of $600.00 from a friend we had just met only 6 weeks earlier. My heart jumped for joy. I thought to myself, "Wow, Lord, you are good. You encouraged us with this special gift from practically a stranger, in the midst of our rough emotional week." I felt encouraged and more hopeful.
On Friday, Glenn called my neurologist to find out the latest reports of some blood work that was done the previous week. The Dr. is now recommending me to see a Rheumatologist doctor to determine what, besides my neuropathy may be causing the pains I have in my feet and legs. What's next, I'm thinking? The Doctor's appointment is not until the end of the month. Please be in prayer with us.
Then Saturday we received a call on our Internet phone. We hardly receive calls on this phone line. It was encouraging to hear the voice on the other end, a voice from a long time friend, friends of 30+ years. She mentioned her husband had recently joined her in 'retirement'. I congratulated them both. Then she sadly mentioned that because of their new retirement status, that they would have to discontinued their monthly support for us. Ugh. It was a significant amount. She reinforced the fact that they will continue to pray for us in the months and years to come.
Then the Lord did it again. Before I went to bed on Saturday night, I opened up my email to receive an encouraging note from a dear retired missionary friend. She thanked me for our friendship and mentioned that the check I mailed to her had arrived. I smiled and count the days until I get to see her again. 34 days.
Wow, what a way to end the week.
It started off with Discouragement. Birth. Unexpected Death. Shootings. Health. And ended with words of encouragement. He did it again. The Lord proved his sovereignty. He is in control.
So what does this coming week have in store for us?
I don't know.
During my devotions last week, I was reading Psalm 38 - 40. It describes how I actually felt. Anguish. Despair. Disappointment. Sadness. As I continued reading, I was encouraged by the psalmist in Psalms 40. There is Hope and Assurance.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
